Friday, January 29, 2010

don't take away my hands, don't take away my eyes.

so today was just one of those days. those push and pull days. the ones that are good, but could be great, but you wouldn't change it anyway so why worry about it possibly being great? the weather is cold, so cold i thought i was going to lose my fingers from holding my camera all day with no gloves on. my nose was constantly running and my hair was a mess, but i got some good shots. i could take photographs all day every day. photography makes me feel like i can do something. even on the days when i think i'm not all that great at it, i can still think, 'yes, but you're still good'. and even though good isn't enough for me, it's enough for now because i feel like one day i can be great. but for now, i wouldn't change it for anything. so why worry?

some days art stresses me out and i feel hopeless. but i'd rather have art all the time than never at all. it scared me this week when my ceramics teacher said to our class, "your work shows you who you are" because i immediately realized that my art tells me that i have no self-confidence. that i'm not happy with myself. i don't know if it's because even though i get A's in pretty much all my classes (particularly art) i still feel like i could do better. that i didn't try hard enough and if i'd pushed myself and not gotten distracted by everything else going on around me, i could be better.

i'm so tired. i don't know what else to say now. it was a good day.


  1. I love that you love what you do so much. I've already written out what I'm going to write on your post card. I just need to find the right card now. I'm not going to spoil it here though. You will just have to wait!

    I love and miss you, darling!

  2. oh my goodness, i can't wait! you are so amazing, lauren! i miss you so much and i love you!!!!!! i hope/know you're having a brilliant time! soak up every minute of it and remember all the extra-amazing places so we can go back together one day :)