Monday, April 27, 2009

no title [childhood]

small and meek. innocent eyes, curious explorations. fingers reach and reach and reach. grasp. sting. in my mother's long, white nightgown. repeat. sting again. jar of buzzing stripes, angry. confused. we just want to pollinate. mason lets them out. fat, round earthlings. comfortable and squat beneath the birdbath. in the rich, overflowing garden. chirping, scared. meek and needy, just like me. young; define young. big words i'll never understand. making friends for entertainment. snip, snip, hair in the refrigerator. cold. unusual. babysitter on the phone. she's young, too. always try to follow the rules, buy a lollipop. hug a bear. check out a book. how many points did you get? what an accomplishment, what a success. move your clip. little white sparkles blur my vision. go on an adventure. my name repeated in the distance, soothing, comforting. loud music and searching beams of light. racing through hallways, delighted screams. run, run, run. christmas lights in my bedroom. remote control, how exciting. practicing on my tall purple stool, pretend, pretend, pretend. bones uner the bed, trolls on the windowsill. Crystal, Crystal, Crystal. on the other side of the room.

funny how these things leak back in. so poignant. so honest. just like that red hand print on her cheek. so bold, so brazen. little recollections, so happy, so simple. memories from the past, just as mysterious as memories from the future. only closer. warmer. full of creepy crawlies in my pockets. locked out in the thunderstorms, playing on the swings. stroke the lizards to sleep, watch them turn brown on my skin. allergic to smoke and hairspray. quicksand with bricks. that ever-so-handy oak tree. spy on Blackie. study black widows. dream of ducks and dogs. that patch of grass. behind the garage. pick out stars. never forget, never forget. embrace, embrace, embrace. 1, 2, 3, cheese. got it.

no title [afterlife]

maybe you would if you were listening. there's more than what's right in front of you. listen, listen, look, look. rising sun, sinking roots, hopeful hearts, broken spirits. joined somehow. scars have stories, most of them don't recall the pain, but the good times. go get hurt. be free, expose yourself. too many particulars? distracted, distracted, without the same effect. emerging from that in between, non-existent phase. dream-like, but with no dreams. the sound of footsteps on a beaten path. the sound of footsteps on clouds. name your children what you will, eager to leave the one print of your inner self on the world. fighting for the last straw. is it really worth it?

bite down on the plastic, six years old again, here comes the tooth fairy. golden ball slinks away, the pale light reigns once again. no struggle, it just is. so lets just come to terms. grow, grow, grow. reflect. record. nostalgic, one day extinct, and nobody remembers. famous outside your time. wealthy when it's no longer useful. look back again, shake your head. small smile. faint breeze. perspective. muscles uncoil. flutter of wings, you'll never know that feeling. you want it? perhaps one day you'll be an angel.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

no title [advice]

rapture. willing to let go, letting go. free, free, free. find this a complete loss, trying to determine. those piano notes. rather crumpled and worn. all for some reason. fingers against paper, all for some reason. lost dreams, lost memories, lost self. this is my song, she thought. he thought. we thought. they thought. too much thinking, too purposeful, let that go. splatters of thoughts on the paper, unique, i suppose. what does your handwriting reveal about you? such a strange entry, unlike any other. needed this, needed this. forget all you know about everything, reincarnated inside yourself, changing, refreshed, new start. don't be yourself, find yourself. how is this going? testing, testing, testing, how do they do that? must know everything, look it up, so easy. let go of that, let it go like snakes and bugs. why should we recognize you? heavy, heavy, heavy. you can't tell, can't follow this stream of thoughts, something like religion or space. reverse, reverse, reverse.

now take a breath. listen to that one song. hold someone's hand. don't speak. hold your own hand, self-comfort, self-realization. independence. everyday is spring. everyday is renaissance. such similar noises. the same stream, different water, wearing down stones, changing forever. cycle back. cycle back again. read the directions. rest. enjoy. feel all things, learn the spectrum of your emotions, how far will you go? round and round and round, repeat, repeat, repeat. sleep. is that life? even when things are bad, they are good. we are home wherever we are, sleeping inside ourselves. we are magical. don't read again until tomorrow, remember those dreams, you know the ones. everything, everything. clear your throat, speak up.

I said everything.