Friday, January 29, 2010

don't take away my hands, don't take away my eyes.

so today was just one of those days. those push and pull days. the ones that are good, but could be great, but you wouldn't change it anyway so why worry about it possibly being great? the weather is cold, so cold i thought i was going to lose my fingers from holding my camera all day with no gloves on. my nose was constantly running and my hair was a mess, but i got some good shots. i could take photographs all day every day. photography makes me feel like i can do something. even on the days when i think i'm not all that great at it, i can still think, 'yes, but you're still good'. and even though good isn't enough for me, it's enough for now because i feel like one day i can be great. but for now, i wouldn't change it for anything. so why worry?

some days art stresses me out and i feel hopeless. but i'd rather have art all the time than never at all. it scared me this week when my ceramics teacher said to our class, "your work shows you who you are" because i immediately realized that my art tells me that i have no self-confidence. that i'm not happy with myself. i don't know if it's because even though i get A's in pretty much all my classes (particularly art) i still feel like i could do better. that i didn't try hard enough and if i'd pushed myself and not gotten distracted by everything else going on around me, i could be better.

i'm so tired. i don't know what else to say now. it was a good day.

Saturday, January 16, 2010

the stars & the moon, they have all been blown out...

It's been a few weeks since I've last blogged and this song I've been listening to lately ("Cosmic Love" by Florence & The Machine) somehow inspired me to blog again. The lovely Chelsea Wilson introduced me to this song and I greatly appreciate it : ) My winter break was well-needed and turned out better than I thought it would, thank goodness.

Anywho, I've been oh-so busy lately. I'm back in San Marcos, back to being an RA, back to drama and stress 24-7. And classes haven't even started yet! Eek! On a lighter note, it's a gorgeous day outside and I would simply love to go lay in the grass right now under the sun. It's just one of those days.

Oddly enough, I don't really know what else to say...there is plenty going on that I could talk about, but none of it really feels worth talking about. Oh! Except for this dream I had during my nap yesterday! It was something about a boat and I needed to climb down the side of the boat to get to something that was in the water...I don't remember exactly what it was though. But by the time I got to the bottom, everything had frozen over and there was snow EVERYWHERE. And there was this long dock that I had to walk to to get to this boat...I feel like the dream sort of started over and over again, repeating itself but with different hindrances each time. I'm pretty sure my dad was there for part of it. Oh, and at one point the dock started breaking apart as I was on it, coming closer and closer to was pretty scary, but interesting...

Yeah. That's about it. Boring, I know...maybe next time I'll have something better for you!